I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Randomize
