my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I love you.
Bad choice
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
