Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
