her vagine was all disorganized.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
