Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
