Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
