Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
