We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
