shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
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