so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
