I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
