this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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