cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
