I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Randomize
