the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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