And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
