The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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