Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
