My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
