Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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