I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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