i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
