You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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