RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
