I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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