she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
