First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I'm at about main and main street
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
