I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
