My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
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