she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
