I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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