they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
