So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
