We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
