my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
