Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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