I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize
