She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
