WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
