If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Randomize
