I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
