He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
