he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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