U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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