I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
