Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
