You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
it hurts more in the daytime
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
