i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
