Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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