I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
