Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
