She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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