I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
The uberlube is also flammable
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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