Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
