I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
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