butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
how do flat chested girls get laid?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
