bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
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Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
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True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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