is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
