Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
