I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
