I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I made him laugh his dick is mine
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
