The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
