part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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